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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First stop, I hit up the Plaza de Utuado. It’s this chill park, ya know? Families hangin’ out, kids runnin’ wild. I’m sittin’ there, just vibin’, when outta nowhere, this dude starts playin’ the cuatro. Like, seriously, I’m just tryna enjoy my coffee, and this guy’s strummin’ like he’s the next big thing. I’m like, “Bro, chill, I’m tryna sip here!” But then, I can’t help it. His music is fire! I’m boppin’ my head, feelin’ all the feels.

Margarita Santiago Obituary (2024) - Perth Amboy, NJ - Gustav J. Novak Funeral Home - Perth Amboy